The recent and well-documented arrest of fugitive felon Roman Polanski in Switzerland has sparked all sorts of outrage from the Hollywood cognoscenti. Apparently, they can't believe that U.S. officials wouldn't give Polanski a pass for sodomizing a drugged child in 1977; surely, his self-imposed "exile" in Europe when combined with the fact that he couldn't travel to Los Angeles to pick up his Oscar in person is certainly more than enough. It simply shows how far out of touch these people are with the realities of those of us who comprise the unwashed masses who don't have the mental capacity to appreciate Polanski's work sufficiently. Surely if we did we would look beyond his indiscretion and welcome him to the U.S. with open arms.

Below is the petition that was signed by many entertainers, writers, directors, actors, and whomever else (many of these people I've never heard of but then again, I am just one of the ignorant Philistines). Following each paragraph of the petition is my deconstruction of the nonsense of their assertions.

Petition for Roman Polanski

We have learned the astonishing news of Roman Polanski's arrest by the Swiss police on September 26th, upon arrival in Zurich (Switzerland) while on his way to a film festival where he was due to receive an award for his career in filmmaking.

Now, just what in the hell is so astonishing about his arrest? The man has been a wanted fugitive from justice for over 30 years! Does the fact that he was traveling to a film festival provide some kind of perpetual immunity from justice? This is symptomatic of the problems that these people have; they believe that because they are artists then they should be immune from the rules and laws that apply to the rest of us, or should at least have some special forbearance that is not afforded to the general public.

His arrest follows an American arrest warrant dating from 1978 against the filmmaker, in a case of morals.

Here's the dirty little secret, glitterati: all laws are based upon a society's morals. We outlaw murder, theft, rape, and all other crimes because we as a society have determined those acts to be against our moral code, and are subject to legal penalties when committed. To call the anal rape of a 13-year-old girl a case of "morals" is exactly right. That's what it is. However, the cinematic and artistic crowd would have you think that there is no difference between that and someone reading adult material in the privacy of their own home. I am frankly surprised that no one has played the "gay marriage" card yet, and equated his heinous crime with resistance to homosexual marriage in the U.S.

Filmmakers in France, in Europe, in the United States and around the world are dismayed by this decision. It seems inadmissible to them that an international cultural event, paying homage to one of the greatest contemporary filmmakers, is used by the police to apprehend him.

Dismayed by the decision? Of course, you are. You're better than the rest of us, you bring us works of art that we cretins of the public would not be able to create or enjoy without you but we are unable to appreciate the true depth and beauty of your art. Oh, and because he was heading to an award ceremony (excuse me, "international cultural event") in his honor allows him a "get out of jail free" card? Guess what, Hollywood? If authorities have information that a wanted fugitive is going home to visit his dying mother for Christmas, guess what they're going to do...that's right, they'll be staking out Mom's house to apprehend that fugitive, without regard of his "humanitarian" intent in visiting his mother. In other words, tough shit, RP.

By their extraterritorial nature, film festivals the world over have always permitted works to be shown and for filmmakers to present them freely and safely, even when certain States opposed this.

What the hell do these fools mean by "their extraterritorial nature?" Extraterritoriality means that one is exempt from local legal jurisdiction, such as that granted to foreign diplomats, commonly referred to as "diplomatic immunity.". So by that logic, attending a film festival grants one the same status as that of the ambassador of a sovereign nation. The arrogance of these folks is mind numbing. And all of these people are free to present any film they want "freely and safely". Just don't expect immunity from a valid arrest warrant in a country that has an extradition agreement with the country issuing said warrant.

The arrest of Roman Polanski in a neutral country, where he assumed he could travel without hindrance, undermines this tradition: it opens the way for actions of which no-one can know the effects.

Yes, he was in a neutral country; for that matter, he still is. I guess he misunderstood the concept of neutrality. Neutrality applies to armed conflicts between nations, not to civil and criminal matters. You may recall the old line about what happens when you assume. Oops, kind of missed that one, didn't ya, RP? And yeah, those of us who make up the Neanderthal population know the effects: if you have a valid warrant for your arrest, don't be too surprised when another nation acts upon that warrant.

Roman Polanski is a French citizen, a renown and international artist now facing extradition. This extradition, if it takes place, will be heavy in consequences and will take away his freedom.

Yes, Polanski is a French citizen, and the enlightened French refuse to extradite French citizens from French soil, even for perverse sex crimes. Thankfully, the Swiss are a bit more respectful of other nations' laws. And yes, there will be heavy consequences; and yes, he will lose his freedom. That's what happens when you flee your punishment, at least in the American system of jurisprudence. We're just a little backwards from our continental brethren; you see, we still cling to the archaic notion that the rape of a (barely) teenage girl by a 40+ year old man after drugging her is just a little bit icky for us. Call us old-fashioned, but we're OK with that.

Filmmakers, actors, producers and technicians - everyone involved in international filmmaking - want him to know that he has their support and friendship.

Yeah, Roman, they've got your back. Of course, that and 50 cents will get you a cup of coffee in the prison cafeteria. Well, maybe; I'm not really in the know as to how much things cost in the joint. Get back to me on that one, will ya, RP?

On September 16th, 2009, Mr. Charles Rivkin, the US Ambassador to France, received French artists and intellectuals at the embassy. He presented to them the new Minister Counselor for Public Affairs at the embassy, Ms Judith Baroody. In perfect French she lauded the Franco-American friendship and recommended the development of cultural relations between our two countries.

So, a diplomat from the American Embassy made the obligatory meaningless statements about cultural relations between countries, building friendships, yada, yada, yada. What the hell does this have to do with enforcing a criminal arrest warrant? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

If only in the name of this friendship between our two countries, we demand the immediate release of Roman Polanski.

Well, there you have it! On the demands of at least one pedophile (Woody Allen, I'm looking in your direction) Polanski should be released forthwith; why not throw in apologies from the U.S. government and a knighthood from Queen Elizabeth while we're at it.

In the end, they are better than we are; their gatherings should be afforded immunity from legal sanction, and even when enforced they should be dismissed so that the party involved can go back to living the high life while justice goes unserved. Yes, I know that victim has said she doesn't want to see this matter go any further, but that's only because she wants to live her life in privacy, inasmuch as that is possible in this day and age. That facet is easily addressed; the news media just would need to leave this poor woman alone, and let the justice system runs its course. Don't seek out his victim for her thoughts on every bit of legal gymnastics that will surely ensue in this case, and let the woman and her family live in peace.

Roman Polanski is unquestionably a talented director, but he is also a child rapist and a fugitive from justice. It's high time and then some that he pays for his crimes.